humor.

dont mind me just blogging my name is jessica
itsspookytoremember:

torchinggoddess:

omgxdoll:

Time, we can never escape from it. It changes everything and everyone.

i dont know that pen looks perfectly ok

the pen actually changes mentally, it takes up smoking and get’s in with a bad crowd. we are all worried about the pen

itsspookytoremember:

torchinggoddess:

omgxdoll:

Time, we can never escape from it. It changes everything and everyone.

i dont know that pen looks perfectly ok

the pen actually changes mentally, it takes up smoking and get’s in with a bad crowd. we are all worried about the pen

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 304,348 notes

beantownbailout:

mustaleski:

matildathedragonfly:

knownorwegian:

In Norwegian, you don’t refer to your romantic partner as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You say “kjæreste”, which is gender neutral and literally translates to “the dearest”.

and in swedish you refer to your boyfriend/girlfriend by saying ”älskling” which translates into ”my beloved one” 

And in Finnish we say “mulkvisti” which means “one I don’t hate as much as the others”

*squints at finland*

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 299,764 notes

nothing-but-a-hiddlesbatch-thang:

When one of my family members asks why I don’t have a boyfriend

image

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 97,113 notes

draelogor:

darkchocolateandtea:

fuckingconversations:

teamfreekickass:

spiffypop:

thebraveandmischievous:

housetohalf:

mysnarkasm:

When I grow up I want to be Ming-Na Wen.

She’s the voice of Mulan, as if she wasn’t amazing enough.

She broke it with her fingers. Not a fist, her fingers.

Girl is 50 years old.

FIFTY. YEARS. OLD.

fun fact: When you break things with your hands like that you have t break your fingers on purpose before so that they heal stronger. So basically this woman is so badass she broke her hands just to do this. 

You asshat, you’re making it sound like she snaps her fingers in half. 

Martial artists like Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee (and yes, fucking Ming-Na Wen, that beautiful badass) will build up their bone strength by repeatedly (and fairly gently) striking sand, gravel, wood and steel - this creates tons of microfractures in their bones (smaller than even a hairline fracture) so the bones will heal over again and make the bones stronger and denser with increased deposits of calcium. 

This has to be done over long-ass periods of time, so the bones have time to heal, and none of the fractures expand into actual breaks. 

Oh, and she’s doing precise-ass kicks in HIGH HEELS. 

she kicks ass like a coursing river

with all the force of a great typhoon

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 388,615 notes

wholockian-221b:

teamrocketing:

*grabs your hand and starts running* quick, date me, there’s no time to explain

image

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 102,426 notes

porkskins:

porkskins:

Im here at walmart does anybody want anything

image

image

i was thinking maybe something that i could buy with 10 dollars

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 263,503 notes

shitphan:

when u start lusting over someone but then realise you actually have a really big crush on them 

image

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 296,272 notes

mishasminions:

halalloli:

mishasminions:

I have this weird reaction to minced garlic. Whenever I eat it, I have really horrible farts—weirdly awful. I had eaten a lot of it, and we got on a flight—packed flight—completely packed, and it was one of those situations where, you know, I was on the window side, and I didn’t want to get up, I figured I’ll—I felt something building up is what I’m trying to say. And I just let a little bit out, just little by little.

Long story short, I farted, and the guy behind me fainted. A flight attendant came over and splashed water on his face and sort of resuscitated him. And his wife or girlfriend goes, “I think I smell some gas”, and they said, “Ma’am, that’s impossible, all the fuel on the plane is stored in the wings so there’s none of it that comes anywhere near the fuselage. Absolutely impossible for there to be a gas leak.” They let it go.

About an hour and a half into the flight, I thought, “I’ll be more careful this time”. I farted again, the guy faints again. Flight attendants came, and his girlfriend says, “Somebody let out some gas”. They said, “Ma’am, we told you the gas cannot leak”. The woman sitting next to them said, “No, no, somebody has to go to the bathroom”

there’s no way this man is real.he can’t be human. he just can’t

YES. OBVIOUSLY TO PRODUCE FARTS THAT CAUSE PEOPLE TO FAINT, THAT’S INCREDIBLY UNNATURAL.

YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY, HE’S SUPERNATURAL

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 6,341 notes
oh-kevin-gee:

why is this so true

oh-kevin-gee:

why is this so true

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 61,005 notes

sachimo:

high school more like sigh school

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 106,547 notes

littlemissmollymormon:

How it feels when you and all the other kids who actually participate in class get put together for a group project

image

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 184,803 notes

suspend:

i hope iphone 6 is a flip phone

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 61,416 notes

ugly:

trying to teach your friend how to ride a bike

image

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 39,607 notes

spermbanker:

missing people who treated you like garbage is very strange and dumb 

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 275,484 notes
Tagged as: #me rn 

bitchytbh:

having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch 

4 hours ago on April 20th | J | 517,561 notes